


Triggers

by Kaylajojo



Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Series, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-24
Updated: 2016-12-24
Packaged: 2018-09-11 14:38:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8988199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaylajojo/pseuds/Kaylajojo
Summary: A trigger is something that sets off a memory or flashback transporting the person back to the event of their original trauma.





	

Cred că merităm a epilog moale, dragostea mea. Suntem oameni buni, și noi avea suferit destul.

Triggers. What is a trigger? A trigger is something that sets off a memory or flashback transporting the person back to the event of their original trauma.

1\. Philip Shea does not liked to be touched in certain places

Philip figures this one out quickly. After Ryan Kane had been shot and Lukas taken to the hospital, the remaining EMT’s thought it would be best to check Philip over to make sure that he was physically okay.

As they started checking him over Philip felt a wave of panic rush over him at full force when one of the EMT’s put their hand on his side exactly in the spot that the cabin shooter had held his gun not minutes ago. The panic Philip feels in this exact moment is enough to knock the breath out of him and send him tumbling to the ground. Gabe and Helen rush over to keep Philip from falling while also trying to keep him from hyperventilating. Philip was spiraling. A man just had a gun placed on him. This man could have killed him. It feels as if the man is still clutching his shoulder. As if the man is still dragging him out of the truck of the car he and Lukas were once in. Gabe and Helen are trying to whisper reassuring words to him, some along the lines of him being safe, and others being that they would never let anything like this happen to him again.  
As much as Philip would have liked to believe Helen and Gabe in that moment, he just couldn’t. Philip’s mind was tricking him into thinking that Ryan Kane still had a gun pressed to him. Helen and Gabe watched on while Philip sobbed and begged an unknown force to please get the gun away from him.

“Please help me, he is going to hurt me,” Philip begged over and over again.

Helen and Gabe did the only thing that they knew to do. They held Philip and told him that he was not there anymore, and that Ryan Kane could not hurt him anymore. He was safe.

After what felt like hours but was only half that, Philip’s glassy eyes cleared and he looked like he was more present and alert than before. Helen and Gabe gave Philip space to get a grasp on where he was and then they both stayed with him until he felt like he could move again.  
Helen sent the remaining EMT’s away with a thank you for all their help and a comment that unfortunately their presence was hurting Philip more than helping and that they were taking Philip to a hospital any ways and that if she thought something might be wrong she would have someone at the hospital check Philip over.  
Gabe helped an exhausted Philip into his car. The low hum of the car traveling towards the hospital and the adrenaline wearing off sent Philip into a pitiful sleep. 

 

2\. Philip can’t handle dark confined places

This one came as a surprise to everyone. Two weeks after Lukas had been dispatched from the hospital following Ryan Kane’s death he was trying to spend all of his time with Philip at the Caldwell farm. There were a few reasons for this. One reason being that Lukas felt safer and more like he wasn't going to spiral out of control if Philip was in his presence. The second being that for Philip the news of his mothers death sent him into a depressive episode, the kind of episode that kept him from eating, talking, sleeping, and just existing. So, Lukas stayed with Philip most days to try and get him to do anything that resembled living. 

One night Lukas was woken up out of a nightmare instantly reaching for Philip when he realized that the other side of the bed was cold and that Philip was not in his own bedroom. Somewhere in Lukas’ nightmare riddled brain he jumped up, thinking Ryan Kane was back from the dead and that he had Philip. Lukas looked everywhere upstairs and still could not find Philip. He even woke Helen and Gabe up in the process and they were trying to tell him that Philip could not have gotten far and that Lukas needed to catch his breath. After he felt like a large weight was no longer on his chest Lukas, Gabe, and Helen went to look for Philip. Once downstairs this task was not hard considering labored breaths could be heard from the small laundry room that wasn't lit at this time of night. Lukas went towards the room with Helen and Gabe not far behind.  
Once the three reached the sounds of wheezing breaths Lukas carefully approached the room as to not startle Philip whom he knew was within the room. Once Lukas was inside the laundry room his heart broke. There in a low lit corner of the room was a terrified Philip Shea. Lukas carefully approached Philip and told him that it was Lukas and that nobody here was going to hurt him. Philip more than likely didn’t even know where he was on the planet right now because he was mumbling in coherent sentences that sounded a lot like a plea to not be killed. Following those pleas Lukas then realized something.

A trigger.

This small confined, barely lit room was more than likely taking Philip back to the small trunk he had once been locked inside of with Lukas. Lukas needed to touch Philip. Needed to bring him back down from the flashback his mind took him to. After turning the rooms overhead light on Lukas reached for the curled form of Philip and barely touched his arm. Philip flinched but then accepted the touch moments later when he realized that it had been Lukas who had touched him. Lukas took a chance and brought Philip into his arms where he collapsed sobbing while saying that he had just walked down here to get a sweater out of the dryer because he couldn’t get warm but everything was too dark and too small and he couldn’t breath. Lukas shushed Philip and told him that it was okay, and that Lukas would always find him and bring him back. Lukas slowly helped a wobbly Philip up and out of the corner. Lukas was reminded of Helen and Gabe but when he looked at them they said that he had done so good with Philip and that Lukas just needed to take him back to bed.  
So, Lukas did just that. After getting back into bed with Philip with reassurances that he was safe. Lukas lied down and slowly pulled Philip into his arms. Philip curled into Lukas chest and together they drifted off to sleep.

 

3\. Loud sounds that sound like gunfire 

This one was not surprising considering that both Philip and Lukas dealt with the fear of sounds resembling gunfire since after the cabin shootings. However, Lukas wasn’t expecting Philip to have a flashback during school.  
Philip and Lukas were walking down the hall laughing and smiling at each other while being hand in hand when that very sound occurred. Lukas could not get over everything that had happened in the past week. The school knew about them, they pretty much had to considering Lukas had kissed Philip at a red hook party just last week. Nobody had directly been rude to them about it, in fact they had a lot of support from many of Lukas’ friends and even strangers were being supportive.  
However, in a perfect world nobody messed with them, but they did not live in a perfect world and if anyone knew that it was Philip and Lukas. One boy Lukas did not know the name of spit some harsh words at them upon seeing them holding hands. Lukas tensed and Philip was immediately trying to calm Lukas down by telling him to forget about him because he wasn’t worth it. Lukas did as Philip said and brushed it off. That was until the rude boy slammed his locker shut saying that Lukas and Philip deserved to die because of what they were doing. At those words Lukas tried to let go of Philip’s hand and pursue the locker slamming asshole, but the grip on his hand from Philip was so strong that it made Lukas instantly look towards Philip in concern.  
Philip’s mind had shut down, the sound of the locker being slammed had taken him back to all the sounds of guns going off resulting in death after death. Lukas knew just by the look in Philip’s eyes that the locker had scared Philip and that he was experiencing another flashback.

“Shit,” Lukas whispered.

Lukas started tugging Philip out of the hallway and into a bathroom where he informed everyone inside to get out or he was going to kick them out. Lukas started speaking slowly and calmly to Philip saying that it was just a locker and that he promised it had not been a gun. Philip’s breathing was so quick that Lukas thought he was going to pass out. Philip was doing everything in his power to not lose it, to not let the flashbacks grab ahold of him right now. He focused on the feel of Lukas’ arms around him, and he focused on Lukas’ own breathing. Lukas could feel Philip slowly calming down and he let out a sigh of relief that it hadn’t been as bad as it could have been.  
Philip felt himself return back to the real world and he pulled away from Lukas to look him in the eyes.

“Philip are you okay?” Lukas asked.

“One day I might be,” Philip replied and then smiled softly at Lukas while hugging him once more. 

Philip knew that everything was horrible right now, actually horrible didn’t even begin to describe how it was right now, but if he had Lukas and he had Gabe and Helen then he thinks that he might be able to keep on existing even through the triggers.

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on Tumblr: ProtectPhilipShea


End file.
